Got a toothbrush?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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