so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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