I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
