why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
