you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
