OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
