the day after is always just damage control
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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