I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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