im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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