I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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