If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize