Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
