I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
