think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
