its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
