"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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