also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
