my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
