I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
