I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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