Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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