Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
