I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
