Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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