actually, I'm a sock model
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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