There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
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I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
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They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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