Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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