My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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