You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
