walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
