No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
