I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
