hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
