Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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