I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
