Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize