Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
