I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
