nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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