Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
