Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
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The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
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I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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