No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
