Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I have fence marks all over my body
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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