we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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