I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
zippers are such a cool invention
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
BRING THE BAGELS
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
