i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
