Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
