I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
