the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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