I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
