Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
