i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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