When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
