oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
