i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
