apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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