It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
