You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
