Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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