Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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