Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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