Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
