you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
