And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Blow job season was short but glorious.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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