I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
