Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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