Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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