sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
