We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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