2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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